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Grief Recovery - Listening To Your Inner Voice
By omaha.mysportsbookonline.info

Recovering from grief takes time. I didn't know how long it would take to recover from four losses, but knew I had to take the first step -- listening to my inner voice. Some people call this voice the soul. To hear my inner voice I had to be quiet and attentive. My inner voice told me to work on acceptance.

I had to accept the cause of my daughter's death, blunt force trauma in a car crash. Though I hoped my father-in-law would celebrate his 100th birthday, I had to accept his death at 98 1/2 years of age. I had to accept the fact that my brother died from cancer and that we had been estranged for 10 years. I had to accept that my former son-in-law died the same way my daughter died, in a car crash.

There was so much to accept. "Did all of this really happen?" I asked.

Listening to my inner voice helped me to cope with denial. Judy Tatelbaum writes about denial in her book, "The Courage to Grieve." She thinks getting past denial helps mourners to face a future without fear. "Unafraid of death we can live with more zeal and we can take more chances to achieve growth and enrichment." This confidence gives mourners the chance to achieve their destiny and become more alive, according to Tatelbaum.

Being more alive is really a process of creating a new life. It happens slowly. If you are grieving I urgeyou to listen to your inner foice and this can be painful. But this is also natural, according to Vamik D. Volkan, MD and Elizabeth Zintl, authors of "Life After Loss: The Lessons of Grief." A loved one is gone, "yet the emotional presence of the lost person is banging around in our heads," they note, "forcing us to negotiate a new and more appropriate relationship."

One way to do this, the authors say, is to do a "slow-motion review" of your connection with the deceased. I reviewed happy times, sad times, angry times, exciting times, and challenging times. As I approach the second year marker of my grief journey I listen to my inner voice more. Grief counselor Bob Deits might say I'm on track. He writes about

self-discovery in his book, "Life After Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life After Experiencing Major Loss."

"Somewhere between the first and second anniversaries of your loss you will discover a new best friend -- yourself," writes Deits. I have found this to be true and understand the truth of my inner voice

My inner voice told me to keep writing about my grief journey and it is one of the best decisions I ever made. My inner voice helped me choose happiness over sadness. My inner voice gave me the power to discard memories of living with an alcoholic father and use the skills I gained during those years. My inner voice told me of my daughter's trust when she named my husband and me as her children's guardians.

One of the best ways to recover from grief is to listen to your inner voice. As the German philosopher and poet Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "The greatest events are not our noisiest, but our stillest hours." Your inner voice will give you the answers you need. Please listen carefully.

Copyright 2008 by Harriet Hodgson

http://www.harriethodgson.com

Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalist for 30 years. She is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists and the Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, "Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief," written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from http://www.amazon.com

Centering Corporation in Omaha, Nebraska -- North America's oldest and largest grief resource center, has published her 26th book, "Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life." The company has also published two companion grief resources, "The Writing to Recover Journal," which contains 100 writing affirmations, and the "Writing to Recover Affirmations Calendar," which contains life affirmations.

Please log onto Harriet's website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.

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